


Mou Ichi Dou

by amabe



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Blood and Injury, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt/Comfort, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2020-10-12 02:00:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20556347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amabe/pseuds/amabe
Summary: Hinata loved a lot of things: family, volleyball, his friends... but not all of these loved him back. Hinata's struggle and always getting back up one more time.





	1. Love

Hinata’s shoulders slumped as the time ticked by, his pencil rolling up and down the desk as he thumbed it. The clock’s ticking resounded in the back of his mind, aggravating him and counting down the time till practice, and then when, inevitably, he’d go home. 

Hinata loved volleyball. He loved the feeling of freedom-of flying. His feet kicking off, seeing the netting quickly fall below and the white lines and fingertips of stretching blockers from the other side. That was freedom. And when the ball smacked into the ground, that was exhilaration. 

The bell rang and Hinata started running, bag swung around his hip, out the door and to the gym. Small pangs riddled his lean, athletic body but his heart was thudding with excitement. Finally.   
Kageyama saw him and immediately began to run. Hinata let out a laugh as he sped up, not looking for another L on his record. They reached the gym at around the same time and Kageyama through sharp breaths huffed out, 

“I guess we can call this one…a draw.” Hinata laid spread eagle on the gym floor breathing hard and smiling wide. 

“I’ll beat you next time, Bakayama.” He heard a snort as Kageyama left to go change. 

“You’d better hurry or Daichi-san is going to get angry” he heard Kageyama echo as he walked up the stairs. Hinata knew this, but realized it would take him a couple more seconds to gather his breath, to recover. His body was working against him. 

Practice went on, as usual, his hand sore and red by the end of it. The team went down to the convenience store to get meat buns at the captain’s treat. Tsukki goaded him when wolfed it down and they argued, Noya-sempai separating them. 

As the team went their separate ways Hinata looked at the long road in front of him, his hands on the bike handles. ‘Great, now I’ve gotta go home.’ He thought. He walked the bike partway up the mountain, partially because of the darkness and partially to kill time. The cold air drew through his breath and stung his lungs. Like the burn of a great receive on his forearms, it felt amazing. 

When he got home he quickly ran up to his room, ducking into the bedroom. Really wanting to take a bath, Hinata decided not to risk it and slipped into the sheets, deciding it wasn’t worth it. The vollyball lying on the food of the mattress was a comfort in the quiet house. He toed it wondering, what he should work on and how to jump higher, be more of a threat. Before he even had time to process, weariness took over and dragged him into the darkness.


	2. Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When shame bites through after you've made a mistake, there is no one left to blame but yourself...

A cold splash woke Hinata up, gasping for breath. He heard breathing right above him, and a shiver ran down his spike. His orange locks were plastered to his face, his eyes squeezed tight bracing for what was coming. Then he felt it, directly in his back, a hard blow knocking his chest into his knees. 

“That alarm’s been ringing forever.” A voice pounded over him. Despite Hinata’s efforts, a gasp escaped his lips. Before he knew it his head was ringing, blood in his mouth tasting of metal. His head rested on the wall behind him, where it had just received a hard impact. He felt sore. He felt tired. 

“I’m sorry, Dad. I promise I didn’t hear it.” He moaned, feeling stupid. He didn’t even remember setting an alarm to begin with. 

“Stand up.” Hinata jumped out of the bed, trying not to get tangled in the sheet and feeling his stomach lurch as his head spun. How early was it? Did he miss practice? 

A sharp blow came to his stomach as he heard mutterings of words his mind blurred above him. Hinata made sure not to stumble and let out a quiet breath once he felt it was safe. 

“Thanks for waking me up Dad, I’d better get ready,” he squeaked out. The old man agreed and reached out patting him on the head. His hand hesitated and Hinata wondered if he would ruffle his hair, like he was a kid again. His father then withdrew his hand and nodded. 

“Yeah, don’t wanna be late.” He walked outside and closed the door quietly behind him. 

The smell of beer still lingered in the room. Hinata flushed red, reaching up to his pounding cheek. He quickly got ready, cursing himself. He was running late, but should barely be able to make it to morning practice if he hurried. 

As he rode his bike across the familiar mountain trail alone, he screamed to the wind in frustration, not giving a care in the world who heard him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading chapter two! Hoping to keep the pace slower and throw in some ships. Promise something juciy will come sooner or later :)


	3. Gasp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting hit when you're down always hurts the most

“Hinata, you’re late,” Kageyama yelled when he put on his shoes inside the gym door.

“Bakayama, I’m right on time. You were just unfashionably early,” Hinata returned smiling widely. 

“No matter what you’re both idiots” Tsukki chided walking in the door with Yamaguchi shaking his head. Hinata loved this place. Where they could laugh and have fun together. Where the chides weren’t serious and everyone on this side of the net was working together. He wasn’t used to having people on his team, no matter what side of the fence or net they lived on… 

They started practicing receives and Kageyama went harder and harder on him, hitting those killer serves. Hinata had grown a lot in his receiving ability since that first 3-on-3, but he was still a target during serves. While debating over or under, the ball closed in on him, hitting him right in the stomach. The deep bruise there pounded and Hinata’s body went cold. Against his will, his knees slammed on the gym floor, vibrations reverberating through his body and his head soon followed as he doubled over in pain.

He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t force his lungs to open. His eyes stared openly at the polished wood as he held his stomach. He heard screeches as shoes came closer and in his vision saw blurred figures. They barely registered. He still couldn’t pull air into his lungs and tears were springing to his eyes. Soon a warm hand grabbed him by the neck, pulling him up and he was now facing the endless ceiling above him. He drew in a ragged breath and saw those dark-rimmed frames and short golden locks out of his eye. He remembered his dad’s hand hovering slightly above his hair that morning, not quite touching it but soft enough to make him feel like there was still a chance to fix everything, making his face contort in pain.

“Hinata.” The voice said cooly. He heard his name echoed by those around him, asking him if he was okay. He tried to respond but was still raking in deep breaths. A hand reached down to his stomach and pressed on his side. A strangled sound escaped his mouth and he coughed, metal on his lips. Metal in his mouth. Birds in his head. 

“Shit.” Someone cursed and jerked up his uniform. Hinata couldn’t see what caused everyone to gasp in shock.

“How hard did you serve Kageyama, his rib is broken!” Suga yelled inhaling quickly. Hinata felt instantly relieved. Let them think it was Kageyama, let them not realize the truth. How lucky his misfortune turned out to be today. 

“I..I didn’t..” Kageyama started, but Daichi put a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s fine. It’s not your fault.” 

“If anything,” Hinata gasped “at least I didn’t let it drop.” Hinata forced a laugh and smiled at his teammates. 

Tsukki scoffed and squinted at him. 

“Could you be any more stupid?” He asked, but Hinata couldn’t help but wonder if there was something more to how white Tsukki’s face appeared. 

Hinata didn’t reply and got to his feet, Suga’s voice telling him to sit down. He was fine. He was okay. He didn’t need all this fussing he thought as little black dots went off in his vision. 

“I’ll go to the infirmary,” Hinata said walking slowly. 

“Forget an infirmary, you need to go to the hospital.” Coach Ukai boomed. The coach had a sinking feeling that this injury was going to cost them a lot more than an hour or two of practice.   
Hinata paused, then nodded wrapping his arm around Tanaka and heading to the car.

He heard above the ringing in his ears the coach telling them to keep practicing while he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading another chapter! Please leave comments so I know how to improve :)


	4. Tightrope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath

Laying in bed, Hinata breathed a sigh of relief. He had squirmed when the doctor raised his shirt, but luckily his back was on the metal table and there was nothing to be seen but a giant purple and red bruise. 

Hinata squirmed uncomfortably, he was pretty sure his rib had not been broken when he left the house that morning but it was definitely sore. Bakayama had really fractured it!! And two weeks until he could jump again!! Lucky for him that it was just a tiny, tiny fracture. Hinata closed his eyes and thought about his dad showing up at the hospital and how scared he had been. 

****  
The cold metal of the table bit into his thighs as he straightened his shirt. He vaguely heard the coach and the doctor discussing recovery time. Once he heard that it wouldn’t be long he stopped listening, grateful that he could still play. 

“Shoyo!” Hinata stiffened at the familiar voice calling him. His dad immediately put his hand right behind him on the table, appearing slightly out of breath. “Are you alright?” His dad asked, eyes boring into his. Hinata felt his heart throbbing at the show of affection. It was always hit or miss, but never black and white. 

“Yeah,” he laughed. “I just couldn’t stop that ball.” The coach bowed and apologized and his dad talked. Hinata felt his blood run cold. While he was getting his things together there was a moment when they were alone in the room. 

“Shoyo…remember to keep things about home…private.” His dad said, clearly a little flustered. Ever since his mom took Natsu to live with her parents in the countryside the “private” routine became a religious mantra around the house and especially with his dad. He talked on the phone with his mom once or twice a week, but always keeping the house ‘private.’ 

“Of course, Dad! Nothing to tell right?” He laughed and reached out to grab his father’s hand. 

At the slightest touch, his father jerked his hand away. 

“Don’t touch me!” He screamed at Hinata, who turned pale. 

“I’m sorry, Dad! THANK YOU FOR COMING TO GET ME!” Hinata screamed in return, hoping it turned away any suspicious eyes towards the room. His father gave a soft grimace and turned his back to him. 

“Of course, son.” Hinata smiled, then swung his bag over his shoulder, the medicine already working and pain just a distant sting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please drop a thought! Still going slow but writing strong.


	5. Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Close eyes show concern and Hinata's return to the court

Ukai bowed to the doctor and began to walk back to the room. The injury was a lot less severe than it looked, but the doctor had been strong to remind him that Shouyou was not the most athletically built boy. It was likely the ball had hit him in the same spot several times before causing the most traumatic injury. A lot of force was required.   
Ukai tried to recall, but he couldn’t remember Hinata getting hit repeatedly. But he knew the boy got roughed up a lot during practice. He didn’t know when to give up. He’d dive all night if he let him. 

He sighed, wanting to ask Hinata to take more breaks when he noticed through the window of door Hinata reaching out to his father, who jerked his hand back and yelled something muffled.   
“THANK YOU FOR COMING TO GET ME!” Hinata screamed bowing. Ukai thought it was strange, Hinata sometimes had these over-polite tendencies, but was that normally the way a son apologized to his father when he was injured? 

After a couple more words, Hinata smiled and the atmosphere changed so quickly Ukai was sure he imagined it to begin with. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hinata couldn’t ride his bike for the next few days so he jogged across the mountain, telling everyone else his father drove him to school dropping him off close by on his way to work. Even after he could ride again, he kept up the appearance that his father was driving him. After all, with all the snow the mountain was dangerous to ride his bike across especially if he was already injured. Most of all he didn’t want the team to worry. 

His father might, if he asked, but Hinata didn’t want to burden him. Their relationship was complex. He didn’t think his father hated him, but it was unclear if ‘love’ was the right word to describe their relationship. He loved his father, fiercely. He wanted things to be normal again between them, where they talked about volleyball and he would toss to him like those days soon after he first saw the ‘little giant’ soar. 

But he knew that his mother had left out of fear. She tried to take him, but without proof, their private life had gotten somewhat public back in his mom’s hometown. He was so happy it wasn’t here and his teammates knew nothing about it. His dad, with no proof, had won. His dad, who had been cold but never cruel, changed. He remembered him screaming if he was going to be accused one night he might as well just act on his impulses. 

Hinata loved his father. But that didn’t make him any less of a cruel man. 

Now two years had passed. He was in a new high school, his dream. 

The last time something like this had happened it was at the end of middle school and he gave the excuse he fell down the stairs. That was the last time his father punched him in the face.   
Hinata felt conflicted. He didn’t know what his at-home situation was or how it got that way, but he hoped that in his three years of high school something could happen to mellow it down.   
Maybe that’s why he never felt too bad when his father was upset. As long as they were talking there, was a chance! 

Hinata slapped his cheeks, breathing in. “Fight!” He yelled and started jogging down the mountain. He was close to Karasuno. Today was the day he finally got to jump again all he wanted! That motivated him even more. 

“Oi, I thought your Dad was driving you?” Kageyama yelled from behind. Hinata gave him a laugh. 

“He dropped me off a little further away, I’m much better now. I’ll race you Bakayama!” Hinata started off. 

Kageyama paused for a second, brow furrowed, before chasing after him. Kageyama saw that orange hair jogging down while he was warming up. If so, how far did his father drop him off from school? 

“Haha…” Hinata huffed, out of breath. “That’s another win for me.” 

He laughed and started warming up his jumps full of energy. His right hip hurt from an incident with a dresser earlier that week, but even that was not enough to turn down his energy. Nothing to keep him from the sweet taste of freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you can drop some feedback or leave a kudos! Need the validation to keep me going haha (joking...mostly)


	6. Gaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukki can't help but look

Tsukki’s eyes narrowed and the shrimp kept jumping and laughing. He seemed normal. He seemed happy. But that high energy was fervent today. And after each jump, Hinata retucked his uniform religiously. Was his side still bothering him? 

Tsukki drank another pull of water telling himself that it was none of his business whether Hinata’s side was splitting in half from all his stupid jumping or if he was in perfect health. Most of all, he didn’t wanting people thinking he cared and complicated the situation unnecessarily. 

Practice went well diving, receiving, blocking—all the things that tired Tsukki out. He didn’t mind though, because this was his way of getting the last laugh. When the they split up into three-on-three teams he was surprised to be put with Kageyama and the shrimp. 

“Oi, isn’t this trio a little OP?” Yachi-san asked, bumbling. Daichi laughed at her, a fierce glint in his eyes. 

“They are still three years too early to take on their sempai,” Asahi grinned. Tsukki felt annoyance there was no way he would be able to slack off with this group. But, in the same stroke, his heart beat a little faster, the sadist in him clicking at Daichi’s face. If he wanted it he could bring it tenfold. 

One thing Hinata didn’t seem to understand though, was he needed to stop ramming into him whenever a spike as coming. 

“Yo mush for brains, didn’t you just get fixed this week? To block you don’t need to slam your whole body into me like that.” Tsukki growled.

“Sorry! I guess I’m a little restless,” Hinata laughed. “ALRIIIIIIIIGHT!” He screamed running towards the net, leaving Tsukki to sigh. He really wasn’t asking for a scream, but that seemed to be the auto-response the annoying twat had to spit out. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were concerned.” Kageyama prodded and Tsukki scoffed seeing his evil grin. 

“Don’t worry, King, I’m not any more worried than you are or should I say…any friend would be.” Tsukki prodded, watching Kageyama’s eyes narrow. 

Ah. Tsukki thought. He was right. His stomach gave a painful tug as he scoffed. Not that he cared about Hinata’s well-being or about the idiot king’s tendencies. After all it was his nature. Even though they were playing the 3-on-3 on the same side, he couldn’t help but take every shot tossed his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please drop a comment and thank you for reading! What would you like to see? I like to take it slow so if its too slow lmk. Hope you're enjoying!


	7. More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata knows his own limits

Jump. Higher. More. Faster. Jump. Jump. Hit. Jump. 

Hinata’s mind was a whirlwind. It was the first time he’d played full out in weeks. He was pent up, feeling his muscles deteriorating from the lack of practice. If he wanted to stand on this court, he had to be better. At the bench, Hinata gritted his teeth in frustration. 

Jump. One more time. Spike. One more time. Everything. One more time. 

He bent down to tie his shoelace and noticed a dark spot peeking out from under his shorts. A dark bruise was forming. ‘Must have rammed into Tsukki too hard, maybe I should apologize’ Hinata thought. His body was used to it and his body belonged to volleyball. Though he doubted he could even give Tsukki a bruise, which instantly put him in a foul mood. Curse his height. 

He ran back towards the net. Smiling, but frustrated. 

One more time. 

Spike after spike his hand slammed into the ball. He felt his legs turn to mush and his thighs tremble but all he could think is higher higher higher higher higher. Then maybe one day he could stand on this court by his own merits. Then all the shackles of life would flake off and he could fly. 

The set ended with the underclassmen winning against the seniors narrowly by that monster quick. 

“Nice kill!” Tanaka screamed. Hinata grinned. Maybe he hadn’t lost too much in these few weeks if he could still pull of quicks like those. Tanaka slammed his hand into his back, laughing. Hinata jumped at the screaming pain of a different spot that hadn’t healed due to more recent abuse. 

“Again!” Hinata yelled playing off his yell. He heard his sempai yell at him and start commanding to clean up the gym. He could do that. The throbbing in his back was distracting but he wasn’t hurting. That was all he had to tell himself was that it didn’t hurt. s


	8. Fracture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata was never one to take these things lying down

“Dad, more rice?” Hinata asked reaching out for his father’s rice bowl. The smile plastered on his face broke as he heard the shatter and felt pieces hit his face. It was like sharp confetti. 

“Stop! Stop talking to me!” His father yelled. He looked up at his son and drew in a sharp breath. 

“Shoyo, are you alright? Best clean that up…don’t worry I’ve got the dish.” 

Hinata was already on his knees with pieces of the white bowl laid carefully in his hand. His stomach was full of smoldering anger he kept trying to push down. His father reached out, then sat his hand on the table closing his mouth. Hinata gripped the shards of glass in his hand tightly, standing up.

“I’m trying!” Hinata screamed, his foot coming down hard beneath him, steading him. He could feel his father stiffen and the room hung heavy and thick. He pushed through, refusing to go along with this insanity. 

“Dad, I’m trying to be here and to be your son. Why? Why do you do these things! Why not let me go live with Mom and Natsu if you don’t want me here?” Hinata yelled at his father, trying to keep the tears from falling—from the stinging in his heart or the sharp pain in his tightly grasped hand, he didn’t know. He heard the sound of his blood dripping on the floor but he couldn’t pay it any mind. 

“You’ll never live with her! She left us and you want to leave too.” His father screamed angrily, slamming his fist on the table. 

“I want to fix things, but who wants to live with someone who flips out over the littlest things,” Hinata screamed stepping forward. 

“I don’t flip out. I’m doing the best I can.” His father choked out, Hinata’s anger disappearing like the wind from a sail. 

“You hurt me…you keep hurting me Dad.” Hinata whispered. “You won’t even touch me most of the time.” Hinata chocked. His father looked at him through a grimace.

“You’re my son and I’m trying. This world is tough, Shoyo. It’s hard. I’m not hurting you, just making you stronger. The bowl fell, nothing more. Our accidents are...private.” 

Hinata was shocked. Private now? That’s what he was talking about. This wasn’t a goddamned accident he threw the fucking bowl. 

“Dad, I’m bleeding look at my face,” Hinata pleaded. 

“We can work through this no matter what. I’m your flesh and blood, Dad.” His father stared back into his eyes with anger, as he sat back into his chair, reaching for his chopsticks. 

“That my son, you are not.” 

***  
Hinata had treated the sharp cuts on his face but he didn’t know what to do about his miserable hand. How did his father call these things accidents? They weren’t! Hinata had known, in part of his mind, that his dad was not, in fact, his father. That his mother’s leaving wasn’t pure like he painted it in his mind. 

Hinata laughed. Was he any better though? Painting these fantasies in his mind, rewriting reality so that the nasty things he saw or heard never happened in the first place.   
He had been stupid, holding the glass like that. At least it had been his left hand, not his right one he put the glass into when cleaning. It wouldn’t affect the spiking. It wouldn’t affect his freedom. 

He sighed. It was late. But he had to leave this house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you're enjoying. I'm going to try and keep updates coming at a steady pace! Drop a comment if you like.


	9. Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is just so cute

Hinata spent all night running down the mountain, back up again, down, back up again. The steady thud of his feet on the pavement kept him sane. Kept his father’s words from creeping back into his mind. 

Thud. Thud. Thud. 

Hinata wanted to be better at volleyball. He wanted to stand on his own strength with at least something in his own life. He wasn’t the type of person who’d just be walked all over, but his dad was different, somehow. Even when they fought and despite everything, he knew that no matter how much screaming, begging, fighting they did he couldn’t fix the problem. 

“I know Dad’s real depressed. He just can’t find his happy again,” Hinata whispered. It had never been Hinata’s problem to begin with. Hinata thought of his father’s eyes and how they used to be so kind when he’d smile and pick him up. He didn’t know when their relationship had changed. Was there a moment when his dad stopped reaching out? When did that moment morph into slaps, then hits, and now punches? Hinata breathed in the cold air, squeezing his eyes shut. It bit into the cuts on his face and his hand. There was no use mulling over all these questions he didn’t have answers too. 

“I”m not gonna get depressed!” Hinata yelled at the mountain. “I’m gonna stay with Dad until the end!” Hinata continued yelling random things like ‘FIGHT’ and ‘Let’s go!’ as he ran. Soon enough the tired pull of heavy eyes and throbbing legs fought at his body. When Hinata crawled back through his window, it was only two hours until morning practice.   
He hit the bed, flipping on the alarm, and instantly fell asleep. 

\----- 

“Yawning is usual for you isn’t it, Hinata?” Asahi asked as Hinata yawned for the fourth time that morning. If he was honest that he’d spent all night running on the mountainside, he could just hear the choruses of “Baka” from Kageyama and Tsukki. 

Both of the boys in question were looking seriously at the orange ball of bounce. They’d been startled when Hinata came in that morning with band-aids all over his face and a scrapped up left hand. Apparently he’d run into a tree--like GWAH! when biking home the previous night. Putting aside the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be biking anyway, it was suspicious. Even more suspicious was the yawning. 

“I’m tired. Why am I tired,” Hinata cried. 

“Did you spend all night playing video games again?” Tanaka asked, roaring with laughter. Hinata chuckled. 

“Nope definitely not.” He smiled. When had he gotten so good at lying? 

“Well, eventually your endless stamina has to take a break,” Suga-sempai said, his kind face in view, making Hinata’s heartbeat. He reached out a hand, ruffling his hair, and nudging him forward. Suga reminded him of Mom, who he hadn’t seen in what felt like ages. Of the days when someone was always asking after him. Hinata felt that Suga was the one out of all the seniors that made this team feel like home. 

“Suga-sempai, you’re the coolest! I love you!” Hinata yelled, throwing a blinding smile towards him, then running after a ball. Suga was left mouth agape and a fierce blush hitting his cheeks. In the distance, one could hear both Kageyama and Tsukki choking on their water bottles. 

"... Oi…how do I get some of that?” Daichi asked, Asahi nodding. Suga gave a small chuckle. 

“Grill him more on receives? But he’s come a long way with even those.” 

“Why do I feel like some kind of proud parent? Dammit Suga, I want some love.” Asahi said teary-eyed. 

“Honestly, can’t you even try to live up to your appearance?” Suga said, sighing, giving the giant teddy bear a glare. 

“I’m a tough guy when I want to be….” Asahi hiccuped. 

“Well, the feeling of having affectionate juniors, is motivating to say the least,” Daichi said, a fire in his eyes. The three smirked, beginning practice again. They still had a reputation to uphold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Decided I wanted to change the direction of the story a bit and here is an update! I'm a law student so my schedule is always crazy haha. Thanks for reading.


	10. Precious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa finds a precious thing

**in the city outside a nearby grocer** 

“Great king, don’t you think the world is really, like really big?” Hinata asked, arms full of groceries. Oikawa stood next to him and sighed, his breath turning into a white puff of air. 

“Chibiske, what brought on this brooding mood?” 

“I just think about all the roads I haven’t walked and courts I haven’t played on and…wow.” Oikawa laughed. 

“Is it always volleyball with you?” Hinata turned a blinding smile towards Oikawa. 

“If its not volleyball, I don’t know what I’d be doing!” Oikawa admired his one-track mind and his love which knew no bounds. He was sure Chibiske hit his own kinds of walls, but to an outsider like him, he made him feel almost stagnant. 

“It’s a big wide world alright.” Oikawa breathed. His path before him was cloudy. Would he continue to play? If so, where and with whom. The days of Aoba Josai were behind him and knowing that left an empty feeling in his chest. 

“Don’t worry, great king. You’re like me. No matter what, no matter when—we’ll always meet on the court again eventually.” Hinata chuckled. That blind faith kept Oikawa happy and full of optimism. 

“Besides that, what’s up with your hand?” Oikawa asked, reaching for the grocery bag and the slightly dirty white bandaged hand. Hinata jerked it away, laughing. 

“Oh nothing, you know something happened and more bruises. It should be gone by the end of the week but I have to be ‘careful’ says coach.” Although there was not a second off in his smile, his response, or his or demeanor Oikawa knew it was all a lie. They hadn’t had these walks often, but occasionally they would bump into each other with Hinata running around in the neighborhood with no apparent purpose. He’d come to recognize the smile accompanying the lies. It wasn’t his place to but in per se, but it did make him especially curious. But pushing wasn’t right. If he got nowhere with his hand, Oikawa the marks on his face would be the result of the same made-up stories. 

“I heard you didn’t get invited to the J-youth again.” 

“Nah, that old jiji seriously has something against me with the training camp, but I might reprise my role as ball boy on a new stage this time. I’ll make the whole world see me!” Hinata shouted, jangling the groceries from his now pumped in the air hands. Sometimes Oikawa couldn’t decide if he was an idiot or the smartest one of them all. 

Oikawa sighed and reached his hand out, ruffling the red and orange tousled hair. "You could do better things than ball boy, Chibiske." Hinata froze underneath him and took in a sharp breath. 

“Ya know, that pumped up my spirit tenfold, great king. You always know what to do.” Hinata mumbled, a red tinge to his cheeks. Oikawa wasn’t sure if it was there before or after, but he felt a new fluttering in his stomach. How unexpected. How intriguing. 

“Chibiske, if you ever need a place instead of wandering the streets, I’m here at least for the next few months. Stop by.” 

“I’m not wandering, I already told you! I’m training.” 

“For what, the freeze my ass off-a-thon?” Hinata shoved his hand away, trying to stop himself from smiling. 

“Its endurance training! I don’t want to falter like that again.” He mumbled. 

“You’re body will get bigger and stronger, Chibiske. Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Hinata let out a scoff. 

“Would it be small stuff if you missed that game? I didn’t think so.” Oikawa rolled his eyes and the two continued to laugh. They came to their natural parting point, and Oikawa took his half of the groceries from the ball of energy. 

“I was serious about my offer, ya know.” He told Hinata, really pushing it in. Something inside himself told him that he could bring something special out of this boy. 

“Yeah yeah.” Hinata said, pushing off in the other direction. Oikawa felt a pang, not wanting to let him—Shoyo—go. Wanting to make him come inside, eat a decent meal, warm up with a bath and do…other things. But he clenched his hand and turned away. 

“I love your volleyball great king! Don’t ever stop playing!” Hinata shouted before he began running and fading into the pitch-black night. Oikawa stood frozen, thinking about that bright smile, so pure and honest this time and that tiny, powerful hand waving at him. 

He always knew he could never leave the court. But now he was wondering if high school volleyball had given him another precious thing. 

He stared at the stars above, holding back wetness until the cold forced him to turn and go inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like ships as much as I do. By the end we might have a whole navy! We'll see who wins out in the end~ 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	11. BONUS CHAPTER: Mortified

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shounen hero or ? Yachi and Hinata's after practice chat leads to unexpected meetings.

In the locker room, Hinata was straightening up his collar and preparing for the winter break. Yachi and Kiyoko had come in and were collecting towels and things that had to be washed. Hinata felt like a super hero when he was flying across the court. Like someone in one of the manga that Kenma loved so much. 

“Ne, Yachi I’m like Naruto huh?” He heard he stunted laughter and a delicate cough from Kiyoko. 

“What?” She asked in-between giggles. 

“Like Luffy or Naruto you know from the mangas!” 

“I know, but what’s the comparison?” She giggled. Kiyoko had stopped cleaning and was trembling in the back. Hinata blushed. 

“When I go baaaaaaam from across the court. No one expects it from me y’know? They don’t think I can do anything but stay planted. But then I can fly!!!!” Hinata yelled, arms stretched out in the small locker room. Yachi felt herself blush as she thought of that poster, and the beautiful boy ready to spike. How different that boy seemed from this crazy, energetic and silly one. 

“I’m telling you Yachi! I’m a shounen star!!” Hinata laughed. 

“Well with that bright orange hair, you certainly have the looks for it.” Kiyoko laughed. Hinata shook his head in agreement. He was just like that. He had to overcome those challenged both on the court and . . . at home. But like those manga stars surely, one day, there would come a day when they could all understand one another and he finally hit the big stage. 

“But you know Hinata, you might have the wrong genre.” Hinata looked puzzled? 

“Whaaaaat? But where else could I fit?” Hinata screeched. 

“Well, personally I’d put you more in the BL-” Kiyoko clamped her hand down over Yachi’s mouth. 

“BL?” Hinata asked. 

“Yachi, there are some things we don’t share with the team.” Kiyoko blushed frantically leaving Hinata feeling clueless. 

“But he’s totally a bott-” 

"Bott?" Hinata asked. 

"-om!!"

"Bottom?" Kiyoko's face turned completely pink, and even Hinata had to admit it was the most adorable thing he'd seen. 

“Ahhhh, look at these towels Yachi they need cleaning!.” Kiyoko muttered, pushing her out the door. Hinata grumbled, confused but pleased with the sight of a very different Kiyoko. 

“Well whatever. I”m definitely a Jump hero.” 

—————

Still, he couldn’t stop himself from going to the bookstore that night. BL? What was that? He took a bus into the city, knowing nothing waited for him but an empty house. He shot his dad a text saying he was staying at a friend’s house so they could both have some ‘cool down’ time. He made sure to include an I love you. 

He was looking through where he usually bought his manga but he didn’t see any BL category. A clerk walked up to him. 

“Do you need any help?” Hinata thought about Kiyoko’s reaction but decided to chance it. 

“Do you know where I can find the BL?” Hinata asked, bright-faced. The clerk blushed down to the roots of his icy blonde hair and let out a little squeak. Hinata felt puzzled, whatever he expected that was NOT it. 

“Aaa, umm, well it's in the back left, um okay!” The clerk said pointing towards a very frilly section surrounded by girls. Of course, it was some shoujo stuff Yachi and Kiyoko would read. He almost left it at that as the clerk scurried off in another direction. But curiosity got the best of him as he wandered to the back. 

His phone buzzed and he flipped it open to see an “okay. You too,” from his father. he felt annoyance and happiness he even got a response, however lacking. A small smile tickled his lips until he felt a sudden pressure surround him. 

The air tense almost like the Shiratorizowa match. All the eyes moved to him and whispers started around him. Hinata felt sick to his stomach like right before a match. What was all this pressure over some manga? He gave a faint smile, and a couple of girls squealed in excitement running off in those little clusters they always traveled in. 

‘Okay. Odd.’ Hinata thought, coming to stop in front of the manga. It seemed like a bomb had gone off surrounding him. Everyone had moved away.   
He randomly reached into the shelf and pulled out a manga with two very strong looking men on the cover. Maybe this was his genre after all.   
The tall blonde with glasses had pinned the shorter dark-haired, mean-looking boy against a wall, a crown on his head slightly off-kilter. Okaaaay. 

Hinata peeked to the middle where he saw legs spread, rough kissing, and knots tied. 

SLAM. 

The book was shut and Hinata was red. Redder than he’d ever been even after hundreds of sprints, spikes, and training camp losses. 

BL. 

‘HAAAAAAH. How is this meeeeee?’ Hinata thought, examining the cover again. 

And strangely didn’t these two people resemble two other boys he knew? Two very cocky ones… and how fitting the title was: The Cruel Kings 

But…that wasn’t all that bad. Was it? Hinata peeped back to the front before they started doing all those…things. It seems like it was a love story. 

“I didn’t think this was your speed, Shoyo.” Hinata felt his stomach drop as he hid the manga behind his back. 

“Kenma!” 

“But I don’t really think that’s your style.” Kenma finished, reaching behind Hinata’s back and grabbing the manga. Turning it over in his hands, then returning it to the shelf. 

“Kenma!” Hinata hissed. 

“Yes? Hold on I’ll get you a better one.” 

“No. I mean wait!!! Do you know what all this is?” Hinata fidgeted, noticing the chatter had grown tremendously since Kenma’s arrival. 

“Boys Love? Or the bookstore?” Kenma asked, with a bright light coming over his face as he reached for a title. Oh. Hinata thought. Well, that makes more sense. 

“Wha--what’s a bottom?” Hinata practically screamed. Kenma turned, eyes bright. One girl seemed to faint an aisle over. 

“Hi—Hinata well I don’t know if I think of myself that way…” Kenma started, a hard blush forming., 

“What you’re a bottom too?” Hinata yelled, oblivious to Kenma’s reddening face. 

“Hinata. Do you even know what you’re saying???,” Kenma gasped, turning over the book he found in his hands nervously. Fantasizing was one thing, but here the fantasy was spouting these very out of character terms at him. Kenma felt oh so lightheaded. 

“That’s what Yachi called me.” Kenma sighed, hoping his heart rate would slow. He looked at the lithe beauty before him, thinking about all sorts of tops and ups and downs they could enjoy but he had to focus. He flipped the book open to a familiar page, blushing deeper, showing the page to the ball of energy in front of him. 

“The one on the bottom is well….you know.” Kenma sighed. 

Hinata’s eyes were glued to the page. A lithe, orange headed boy was spreading his god knows where for a dark-colored and handsome man who had another god knows what ready. The faces they were making… 

“What?!” Hinata jerked the manga out of Kenma’s hands. But this boy kind of looked like him.

“Why does this look like me??” Hinata whined, feeling his blood soar through his ears and his body turn to fire. 

“Well, you’re very bottom-like. A power bottom.” Kenma smiled. “See I knew this would be more up your ally!” He said excitedly. 

Hinata snapped the book closed, seeing more than he had ever even thought of doing. His red face and teary eyes told Kenma all he needed to know. 

“Ahh, Shoyo you’re still too innocent. Did Yachi-san’s comment send you here?” He ruffled the orange hair, relishing in its silkiness. 

“I didn’t think…what they were doing…I wanna be like Naruto…” Hinata stuttered and Kenma chuckled. 

“Well if you want Naruto, that’s further down.” The look of horror on Hinata’s face gave Kenma a good laugh. How sheltered Shoyo was. He doubted he even had come to pleasure himself yet let alone try taking refuge in these fantasies. Kenma laughed, holding the books he planned to purchase. 

“Let’s get you out of here oh innocent one.” Kenma joked and Hinata followed. HE felt actually mortified at the thought of Yachi reading that about him. Oh god. Kiyoko… that cute face suddenly felt wayyyy more sexy. 

“The girls probably mentioned it because the sports genres are really popular with the girls these days.” Kenma muttered and Hinata blushed harder. Sports genere? Hinata felt unready to go down that hole, literally. 

“Please, can we talk about anything else. Anymore and I think my ears are going to bleed. I’m too young to be taken into the dark.” Hinata mumbled. Pushing those warm feelings that had grown in his chest to a very deep, dark place and locking the key. He wasn’t ready for thoughts like that. For rushes that came from anything besides volleyball.

He waited with Kenma while he purchased his items, and he agreed to stay the night. Well, that beats staying out all night and dogging shifty eyes. Still, he kept shifting and blushing uncomfortably when the clerk eyed him or those girls that seemed to follow them chatted and shot glances in their direction. 

When they walked out he felt immediate relief. Until he hit a large wall in front of him. 

“Well what did the cat drag in?” A familiar voice boomed above him, mischievous. 

“A little orange crow lost in the ad-ul-t section,” Kenma smirked, annunciating adult very carefully. Hinata felt mortified. Kuroo smiled from above. 

“Well well who knew that little crow flew in that direction?” He laughed. 

Hinata just covered his face, which he was sure matched his hair at this point, with his hands. 

Kuroo took the moment to snap a picture with Kenma’s slightly blushing face in the background to send to a favorite group chat of team ex-captains he knew including a couple of recent additions from the Spring tournament.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so so much for reading. I decided to have a little breather here with something lighter and fun. I'm in my law school finals now so I'll be even slower. So sorry!!! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy and in case I don't get anything else up before the holidays...Happy Holidays!!!


	12. Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata wonders what he wants out of all his practicing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm so slow but updates are coming! I hope to finish well within 30 chapters and have more written but am trying to make sure pace/story comes out correctly. I think the next time will be several at once so look forward to it!

“Oi, why is your hand all taped?” Kagayama spit out. Hinata groaned inside, of course, Bakayama would notice what he was trying to keep hidden. 

“It’s wrapped for the left hand, I got carried away trying to do non-dominant spikes at home and the skin is way too soft. I got blisters galore!” Hinata complained. He started peeling off the tape. “Wanna see how gross it is?” Hinata started to hear Yachi squeal. A small pain went off in his stomach, sharp and acute. 

“Of course not. You need to do finger straightening exercises, like me.” Kagayama instructed getting a scoff from Tsukishima. 

“How come I feel like this isn’t the first time I’ve heard about these amazing finger exercises?” Asahi signed. 

“MMMM SURE! BET I CAN DO MORE!” Hinata screamed. The guilt was a constant pang now in his heart from all the lying. Who was he anymore? It seemed like more than anything it was lies or excuses but never the truth. 

Hinata carried that practice out trying to make his jumps more like the baaaam type and less like the boing ones. It was difficult to feel the difference in pressure just from the soles of his feet, but it gave him something to drive towards. 

If there was anything volleyball taught him, it was that effort was rewarded and you can make your own talent through work. The start line was never fair, but it was up to you to decide how you finish. This was something concrete. The more jumping he did, thinking critically, the better they would get. 

Perhaps that straightforward path was what he was looking for with his dad. The effort to pay off. But, with people, it was rarely so straightforward. 

“DAMMIT” Hinata screamed as he fell back from an advance again, his feet tangled from trying too hard. He looked up to see the gym halted, staring at him. Hinata wished he could say this was a first, but well… 

“Frustration is okay! It leads to our successes you’ve got to keep at it Hinata!” Coach Ukai yelled, giving Hinata a chance to get on his feet and dust off. “Let’s end here and enter free practice. Work on enhancing your strengths and minimizing your weaknesses. Think, when the score is high and we are in a bind, what do you want to do?”  
It was a question that everyone thought on seriously. Yamaguchi wanted to be reliable. Asahi wanted mental fortitude in opposite to Tsukishima’s desire to destroy others. Daichi and Nishinoya wanted to be able to keep the ball going. Suga wanted to be reliable and play with his team. Takana wanted to feel the spike. Kageyama simply wanted to win. 

But what did Hinata want? It was something that changed over time for him over and over again. He had wanted to be the little giant, which means being the ace and the spiker. Then he recognized being the greatest decoy was the coolest, but what did that mean. He thought of the matches and realized that could all fade away. It didn’t matter to Hinata if he was the ace or the blocker, although he loved the burn of a spike. 

No, all Hinata wanted, was to stay on the court one second longer. The power to be on the court belongs solely to the winner. 

Truthfully, he felt very stressed, even though it's just their first year. About life after high school. It always occurred to him that he would play volleyball professionally, but life was not that easy. Every tournament, practice, game—he just wanted to be on the court for as long as possible. 

The court was the first place Hinata felt was home. Even when he was younger with somewhere to return to, at home he knew things were complicated and walls were up. 

Here, he could see the other side of the wall. Here, he could have family and friends like his teammates and the Great King and all the other schools they played against. 

A burning feeling wrapped around his heart, making his breaths short. What happened if all this were to disappear? To go away? The thought filled his head with noise and his chest with agony. 

His vision narrowed. 

He felt like he was dying. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! It will be a multi-chapter fic no idea how long yet. Drop a kudos if you'd like and hope you enjoy this!


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